I’m writing this because it’s been on my mind the last couple of weeks and I can’t seem to get it out. The last few months I’ve been working long days on a big project for school, it’s been enjoyable and since I am effectively my own boss, which I enjoy, I’ve been working my way entirely in terms of setting hours, prioritizing etc. Intermittently, though, I start thinking about this. And I suppose it goes on because I can’t seem to reach any conclusion.

I accept what has happened but I can’t get over how it did happen. I’m still very serene about it all and it’s not a question of it nagging me. But since I am a keen observer of people and take interest in trying to understand them, I can’t figure out this one. We had barely kept in touch the last year. Until finally I told you that as far as I’m concerned, this is over. I didn’t know what to expect for a response but what I did get surprised me. Nothing. Nothing at all. I assumed you would have something to say, a few last words maybe. But no. Weird. But you can’t understand one thing without putting it in perspective. I was unceremoniously dropped, that much is clear. But if that is so, how much is true about the last few months? Did you mean to get rid of me a long time ago? And just wait for an opportunity of some kind? Were you just keeping up appearances, then? How up front were you? Many times I have suspected a cover up of some sort but every time I ultimately said perish the thought, she wouldn’t do that. And every time you came up with some explanation that seemed largely plausible. I always wondered if that was just our wires crossed or if there was something more to it.

I guess it’s one of those cases of "I thought I knew you".